Feeling Angry

Feeling Angry


The greatest remedy for anger is delay.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Anger is a form of control. We get angry when people don't see or do things our way. But that doesn't make them wrong. Wanting others to conform to our way of looking at and dealing with the world is very controlling.

When we are indignant about the way we have been treated by someone, it's really because, deep down, we don't value ourselves as much as we think we do. When you feel really good about yourself; when you truly know you are an OK sort of person (and we all are!) you'll find other people irritate you less and less.


Anger comes from fear or self-righteousness


We all fear the unknown. Sometimes this prevents us from getting into dangerous situations, so it's not always a bad thing. If you are feeling angry and can honestly say, "I'm not being self-righteous!" have a look to see what you are afraid of.

Fear often provokes a 'fight or flight' response and society is intolerant of both bullies and cowards. So we tend to deny these feelings: either we bury them, perhaps carrying around inner rage, or we compensate in some way. It's good that you can acknowledge your anger. Can you relate it to a specific fear?

Most of our fears are unfounded. If you live in the moment you'll stop worrying about all the things that might not work out as you would like ~ and start enjoying the present.

We fear failure ~ something else society does not tolerate. Yet watch any baby and you'll realise that it's through failure he or she learns to succeed. So be prepared to fail, realising that this can be your route to success. If you're angry at yourself, look at what you did, or failed to do ~ forgive yourself ~ and try a different approach.

Are you angry with someone else? Well take responsibility for your own feelings and try to pinpoint the root of your anger. Why do you feel this way? Typically, we compensate with anger when we're 'made to feel' foolish, incompetent, dishonest... in other words when we've been misrepresented. Yet we cannot be 'made to feel' anything; our anger hides our own sense of failure at having allowed this to occur.

Oh, and one more thing... be aware that genuine anger only ever lasts around five minutes. If yours is 'more mature' realise that you're feeding it!

Remember that your anger expressed is actually a cry for help. We all need help. Are you prepared to ask for it?